Friday, November 19, 2004

Reich Wing Republicans

There seems to be no end to good humor on the part of our fair administration in the whitehouse and their self-righteous party.

Found some interesting links:

This one at this web locatoin is sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbilies:
 "The Ballad of George W. Bush"

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy name Bush,
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about,
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up.

Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale,
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk,
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold. Nose candy.

The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam,
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred,
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country clubs. Nose candy.

Twenty years later George gets a little bored,
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be,"
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.

Come November 7, the election ran late,
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls,"
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.

Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in,
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation,
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.

End of slice:

I found five senators that people need to keep their eye on.

This slice is from another email going around:

"The Republican National Committee has announced it's changing
the emblem of the Republican Party - from an elephant to a
condom. The Republican National Chairman explained that the
condom more clearly reflects the Party's current stance
owing to the fact that a condom accepts inflation, halts
production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch
of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're
actually being screwed."

End of slice:

And a final email from some friends actually re-addressed a
letter to Dr. Laura and suggest we send it to W.

Dear GWB,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's Law. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
of the laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know
it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The
problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing
to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do
you think would be a fair price for her?

c) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

d) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 learly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

e) A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser
abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

f) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

g) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

h) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if
I wear gloves?

i) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting
two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by
wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme
a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
(Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a
private family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us
that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted
disciple and adoring fan.

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